


Why'd You Only Call Me When You're Tossed?

by Keeks1664



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor, References to Arctic Monkeys, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 17:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19749979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keeks1664/pseuds/Keeks1664
Summary: Dramione smutty one-shot. Inspired by Arctic Monkeys "Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High"Post Hogwarts. EWE. PWP.





	Why'd You Only Call Me When You're Tossed?

**A/N: It's summer! I've got my blinds shut tight and it's time to fuckin' write! *slams face onto keyboard* (for those of you who have better things to do than watch old vine compilations** **/watch?v=1fuHwZKXPFY)** ****

**I'm currently writing a spin off of _A Curious Thing_ following Theo and Neville, but this story requires a lot more research and time than the first did. So bear with me, I promise it'll be worth it.** ****

**In the meanwhile, here! Take this ya filthy fuckin' animals!**

**\---**

**DISCLAIMER:** "Harry Potter" is the property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. This fanfiction was written entirely for fun, not for profit, and no copyright infringement is intended.

**MAIN CHARACTERS:** Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, (Blaise shows up)

**SUMMARY:** Why'd you only call me when you're tossed?

**RATING: MA (NC-17)**

**WARNINGS:** Alcohol abuse, explicit sexual situations, strong language

* * *

_Tap tap tap._

Draco stirred slightly.

_TAP. TAP. TAP._

"Oh for fuck sakes!" Draco roused himself out of bed and cursed at the impatient owl hammering at his bedroom window. He opened said window and unfurled the scroll around its leg.

_Now._

Draco rubbed his tired eyes and looked at the clock on the far wall. Three in the morning.

He sighed, frustrated, but knowing full well he'd be leaving. Now.

* * *

"Took yew lon' 'nough."

"Shut up," Draco growled as he crushed his mouth to hers. She tasted like stale gin and butterbeer. She smelled like sweat and cigarettes. Didn't matter to him, he was getting fucked tonight.

She bit his lip with anger in return. He threw her back against her living room wall. She moaned into his mouth.

She was tossed, but that was the only reason why he was here.

He pushed her cropped tank top over her head and she pulled his white t-shirt over his. Bare chests pressed together fuelled their fire. As she roughly fumbled with his belt, his breathing became ragged. He sucked on her neck hard as she grabbed his hardened cock. She stroked him faster as his sucking led from her neck down to her breasts.

While laving her nipple with his tongue, he pushed down her tight jean shorts to her mid thigh. She cried out as he roughly shoved his fingers inside of her to see if she was ready. Of course she was, it never took much to get her there when she was in this state.

He flipped her around, cheek pressed against the wall, and without pausing, slid inside her. She moaned longingly and ground her bum against him. His fingers tightened on her hips and he harshly thrust in and out of her, encouraged by her wild yelling. He remained quiet, except for his elevated breath. This wasn't about him, it never was. She was the one who called the shots, he was just the bloke who shagged her whenever she wanted it. And when she wanted it, she wanted it rough.

He smacked his hand across her bum cheek and she cried out even louder. Her hips were meeting the pace he had set and her hand was stroking the front of her groin. He could feel her fingertips with every movement.

Draco kept his lips in a tight line. Some nights it was harder than others to keep quiet and fuck, was she randy for it tonight.

Her moaning became rushed and shallower, indicating she was nearing her climax. He leaned forward and bit the back of her neck hard, causing her to cry out wantingly. He returned to his original stance and smacked her rear again before grabbing a fist full of hair and pulling roughly.

That did it. He felt her core tighten and her knees bent forward for support from the wall. He bent his own knees to adjust to her new height, not wanting to sod up all the work he'd done to get her there. Her hands were clawed against the wall and her cries echoed through the empty flat.

Knowing she wouldn't wait around to finish him off, Draco refocused on his own climax and within a few strokes, pulled out and finished with his hand on the floor next to her.

Still panting and holding himself, he watched her pick up her tank top and retreat to what Draco could only assume was her bedroom. Without even a glance at him, she closed the door behind her.

He picked up his t-shirt, _Scourgified_ his hand and cock clean and Apparated home.

* * *

Draco cupped cold water and splashed it on his face.

Blaise Zabini burst into the men's loo. "Oi! Where've you been!? Ya shoulda seen this bird grinding up on me out there! Fuck mate, even Nott woulda creamed jus' watchin' it!" Blaise pantomimed grinding and humping the air.

Blaise had clearly had more than just shots back at his because he was bouncing off the walls. Draco, on the other hand, felt far too tossed and old to continue drinking tonight.

"I don't feel great. I think I'll jus' walk 'ome," Draco slurred as he wiped the water from his face.

"Nah, nah, nah! Don' go! Listen, we'll find ye a girlie an' she'll make yew feel better, yeah?" Blaise slug his arm around Draco's shoulders and rubbed his belly.

Draco sighed, if he wasn't so wasted, he wouldn't have compromised, "Fine. Lemme go ou'side an' get some air first."

Outside the loud club, Draco was bent at the waist throwing up onto the sidewalk. After his stomach had vacated and he felt the brief but euphoric feeling after vomiting, he heard someone yelling.

"Oi, y'alright? Wanna fag?"

Draco stood and spat the bile from his mouth before turning to the disembodied voice, "I don't smoke, but th-"

"...Malfoy?"

"Granger…"

The two stood outside in the cold, wet British spring, staring at their former rival. Though nearly ten years had passed since the war, Draco had no doubt Granger's burning hatred for him hadn't faded. His hatred for her, and most Muggleborns, definitely had. War and a brief holding period in Azkaban changes a person. A part of him resolved that he would never be able to accept the loss of magical blood by reproducing with Muggles.

"Smoking now? Y'know that shite kills you, righ'?" Draco goaded as he wiped his face with the hem of his t-shirt, exposing his midriff. He glanced back at her just to see her take notice.

The years had been kind to Granger. She still had wild curly hair, but it was obviously cared for now with some product, or whatever is used to manage bushes like hers. But her body... even a blind man could see how she'd grown into herself. She had curves now where before in school, she had just been straight and skinny. Her cheeks were plumper, her skin was more freckled and a little creased. However, her honey coloured eyes were lit with the same annoyance she'd always looked at him with in school.

"Right, so you're still a cunt," she turned to walk away.

"Where'd you think you're going?" He shot his hand out to grab her forearm. The sudden movement brought back his queasiness.

"Hey! Hands off!" Granger yanked her arm away and elbowed him in the chest.

The blow made Draco bend in half and wretch, only a small amount of bile came up. He spat it out.

Granger scoffed and bent over to take off her heeled shoes, "Pity yuh can't hold your liquor. Wha' else are ye good for?"

"A good plenty, I can assure you," he spat more bile from his mouth. "I've a plethora of women who can attest ta tha'."

"Are y-… Are you hitting on me?" She asked him incredulously.

Draco scoffed, "Please, Granger. If I were to flirt wit' you, it wouldn' be after I chunder. Seems more up Weasley's alley." He smiled at his own joke, hoping to rouse a reaction from her.

She shrugged, "Couldn't tell ya. I haven't seen Ron in years."

"Well, what happened to the inseparable Golden Trio?"

"We grew up? I doubt you're still hanging around with Nott and Zabini," As she finished her sentence, Granger's face broke into a wide smile.

Without turning around, Draco knew what caused that shiteating grin.

"Granger! Wow! Lookin' lush, darlin'. You goin' home alone? Can't have that," Blaise sauntered past Draco's shoulder, right up to Granger. He skimmed the back of his forefinger over her exposed bicep.

She recoiled and took a step back, "What is with you two?! When the fuck didda Mudblood become a viable sexual object?" She sneered between the two of them.

"Whoa, listen Granger-" Draco started.

"Such a dirty word comin' fromma beautiful mouth," Blaise tsked, "I'd rather hear other dirty things come from tha' mouth."

"Piss off! Fuckin' dodger," she muttered as she walked away, joining a group of women who had just emerged from the club.

Both Draco and Blaise's eyes were unabashedly glued to her behind as she walked away.

* * *

Draco went back to that club every weekend for weeks hoping to catch Granger. He hadn't been able to get her off his mind since their brief encounter. He had no idea where else to find her and he wasn't finished with her yet. When he was, she'd be sweaty and satiated.

One night, he thought as he arrived, he saw her leaving carrying her shoes. But it had just been some other curly haired brunette. Decided that once again, he was just dreaming of bumping into her.

Merlin, he wanted to fuck her so badly, he was seeing her face on strangers.

Another two weeks passed and he had resolved that it would be his last night at the club. He was tired of the same shite drinks and music. He finished his vodka soda with a grimace and felt pretty drunk. He scanned the crowd for a girl to feel up before he headed back home. Then one smacked right into his chest.

"Oops, sorry!" She giggled and looked up at him, "Oh, lookit sour Malfoy with his sour face on!" Granger tapped his nose with her fingertip.

He whipped his head away from her finger and snarled, "Don't touch my fuckin' face."

Her smile faded and she rolled her eyes, "Gods yer a cunt!"

"Wow, so are you!"

"How wouldjou know?! You don' even know me!" She backed away from him and spread her arms in a questioning manner.

"Fuck off, you don' know me either," Draco knew better than to fight. But he was drunk and embarrassed he waited around for a girl who had just called him a cunt.

"Is there a problem here?" A floor man stood between the two of them.

"Yeah! He's a cunt!" Granger yelled pointing at Draco.

"For fuck sakes, Granger!" He yelled back before the floor man turned them both to the door.

"You two are done, go home," He pushed them out onto the sidewalk and closed the door behind him.

"Thanks a lot! I had a date in there!" She yelled and threw her arms up.

"It was yer fault! Your fuckin' foul mouth," he sighed and started walking toward an alley for a shortcut home. There was no way he could Apparate in his state.

She barked a sarcastic laugh as she followed him down the alley, "Call me black again, pot!"

He stopped to face her, perplexed by the name she'd just called him, "Wha-... I'm not a pot?"

His confusion seemed to genuinely amuse her because she snorted while she laughed at him. The sound made him chuckle.

"Blaise was right though, those are foul words to be coming from such a pretty mouth," he teased as he continued walking.

"Wha? Oh Merlin, gross. I've known too many girls who've had that git to be flattered by anythin' 'e says. You too for that matter. Even if yer hot now, yera hot cunt," she grinned up at him.

He stopped and grabbed her arm, "Alrigh', if I said somethin' like that to you, ye'd punch me in the nose again."

"True," she answered. She stared at him, swaying slightly.

Draco's mouth went dry, feeling the tension building in the air. He licked his lips with the tip of his tongue and slowly bent down to kiss her.

His slow descent was cut short but Granger pushing him violently against the brick wall of the alley. She jumped and wrapped her legs around his waist before attacking his mouth with hers. Her skirt immediately was pushed up to her waist, exposing her bare arse to the night air.

They were both tossed and incredibly uncoordinated. Her additional weight made him lose his balance and he tilted forward before her back hit the opposite wall, she sighed loudly as her back hit it. Their mouths and tongues were messily sliding over one another.

Draco's cock was at full attention. All around his mouth was wet from Granger's. His hands were roughly groping her arse as she ground her crotch against his belly.

She briefly broke their kissing. "Are you goin' t'fuck me or not?"

With an angry grunt, he pushed her harder into the wall and she cried out, in what sounded like pleasure.

He removed one hand from her bum to undo his trousers with haste. She pulled him from his pants and almost immediately impaled herself. He forgot to breathe as she moaned loudly in his ear. Draco could feel her fingernails through his jumper over his back as he bounced her.

"You're goin' to have to do better than tha' if you wanna hear me come for you," she whispered then bit down on his earlobe.

He growled and moved his arms under her legs and gripped her bum again. The back of her knees met the crook of his elbows. He tightened his core and began pounding her harder. The backs of his knuckles were being roughly knocked against the hard brick wall but he didn't notice over the sounds of her encouraging cries.

Her nails were digging into the back of his neck and hair, threatening to draw blood. He was covered in sweat from exertion and his quads were on fire. He was fighting hard against his own orgasm as she bit down on the side of his neck. Her body tightened and started to quake. He groaned into her hair.

"Shut up," she panted, "Shut up."

A surge of anger flowed through him and he bit down on her neck hard enough to leave a welt. He made a note that pain seemed to be Granger's kink because she threw her head back and cried out loudly as she finished.

She dropped her legs down and stood as he let go of her. Thinking she'd change positions, he leaned in to kiss her but she pushed him back hard.

"I'm finished. Don' bother trying to find me. I'll call yew," she casually told him before Apparating away, leaving Draco dumbstruck in a cold, dark alley with his still wet cock hanging out of his trousers.

* * *

Draco panted heavily as he finished himself in Granger's shower. She was stepping out when he finally had enough.

"Stop. Why are you doing this?" He grabbed her hand.

"What?"

"Don't fuck around, you know what," he growled.

She pulled her hand away and turned off the shower around him. "Is been months, why're you asking now?" She stumbled a bit as she towelled herself off.

"I don't know, I've just had enough of the late night calls. And why are you always shittered? Am I that difficult to be around?" He took a towel off the shelf next to the toilet.

"Yes. The rest, nunnya business," She muttered as she made her way to her bedroom.

"Granger. Come on, I'm trying to not be a prick. Why'd you only call me when you're tossed?" He pulled on his clothes from the heap on the floor.

She sighed wearily and rubbed her eyes, "Go home, Malfoy." She turned to her bedroom and shut the door behind her.

Draco was fuming. _What the fuck! Even when I'm nice she's a bitch! She's been getting her way for months, I'm not some sodding Hufflepuff! I get what I want when I want it, I'm a fucking Malfoy!_

Draco's inner dialogue pumped up his tires and he felt ready for a fight. But it was four in the morning and he was tired. He sat on the couch, just to rest his eyes for a minute, before he told Granger what was what!

He was asleep within thirty seconds.

* * *

"What the fuck?! Why are you still here!? Get out!"

Granger's shrill voice woke Draco with a start. His neck was sore from sleeping upright on the couch.

"You didn't answer my questions last night and I deserve some answers," He yawned.

"You deserve _nothing_! Get out of my flat. Now!" She marched to her Floo and grabbed a handful of powder. "Open your fucking hand."

He stood in front of her, keeping his hands fisted at his side, "Fuck off, Granger. I'm not your Golden Boys, I won't do what you tell me."

"Funny, when you're getting your prick wet you seem to like being bossed around," she scathed.

He indignantly snorted. She had him there.

"If you don't want to shag anymore, fine. I won't owl you anymore, just leave," she almost begged and shook her fist of Floo powder at him.

"Oh no, I do want to continue to shag you, but I'm done with it being on your terms and you smelling like booze and fags everytime. It's a lot to have to look past just to get fucked," he wrinkled his nose.

She scoffed and widened her eyes, "Well, I'm terribly sorry to disappoint you, Your Majesty. But not every cunt you plow is going to smell like jasmine and vanilla!"

"You're impossible! I want to keep shagging you, Granger. I just," he growled loudly and looked away, furious, "I don't want you to be gone every time, okay?"

She was quietly measuring him up for some time before she narrowed her eyes at him, "Why? Why now?"

"Oh my -," he angrily rolled his eyes, "Merlin, Granger, are you really going to make me say it?" He dropped his shoulders and looked at her petulantly.

"You bet I am," she gave him a tight lipped smile as her eyebrows shot up as a warning. She put the Floo powder back in its sack on the mantle and made herself comfortable on the sofa.

An evil smile broke out on her face as his uncomfortable silence, she made a sweeping gesture with her arm, "Go on, tell the class, Mr Malfoy."

"Gods, you're a cunt," He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to keep himself from smiling. She was funny when she was mean. "Alright, I fuckin' fancy you, Hermione Granger. I want to fuck you when you're sober, during the day, in your bed. I want to spend the night and roll over to fuck you instead of getting woken up by a sodding owl. I want to tell you everyday that you're a cunt, just in case you forget it." He held his breath and watched her face.

She blinked slowly at him, her smile had faded at his declaration. She rested her elbow on the arm of the sofa and placed her first under her chin as a small smug grin smeared across her face. Granger stared at him for what felt like hours, just watching with the same self-fucking-righteous look on her face.

Draco huffed loudly out of sheer discomfort and self consciousness, "I know I'm great to look at, but can we get a move on? I need a new bird soon if you're jumping ship."

She smiled widely, "Okay, Malfoy. I'll give you a shot. But only because you've been so obedient."

He practically pounced on her the second those delicious words left her lips. He threw her backwards on the sofa and straddled her hips. She took a sharp breath and squeezed his thigh tightly, trying to cause him pain.

Instead of moving, he grabbed both her wrists and pinned them over her head. She devilishly grinned at him with eyes hooded in lust and ground her hips up into him.

He tore off her shirt then he lazily kissed and sucked the skin on her neck, collarbone, cleavage, nipples, ribs, belly until he was at her pyjama waistband. Draco pulled them down to her knees with his teeth.

He ducked between her restrained legs and for the first time ever, he inhaled the scent of Granger's arousal. Part of their unspoken agreement for the months prior had been just sticking to penetration. Draco had been wanting to do this since that night in the alley.

He licked from her opening all the way to her clit repeatedly, until he was sure he would never forget the intoxicating taste. The sounds she was making made his cock painfully strain against his trousers. While he continued to lick and suck at her, he released himself from the cloth confines and ground his hips down into the sofa.

Granger's own hips were soon grinding against his mouth and her moaning was becoming more and more urgent. He deftly sunk two fingers into her then pulled them out to pinch her nipple.

She cried out loudly. "I'm almost there! Fuck me when I come, please," she begged.

Somewhere, in the back of his lust hazed mind, he was surprised by a begging Granger. All he had to do was put his ego aside and he could've had her begging for his cock months ago!

"Now!"

Without hesitation, he surged his body forward and drove himself to the hilt into her. They both groaned from the sensation.

"Don't stop, please, don't!" She dug her fingernails into his biceps.

He buried his face into her damp neck to keep quiet as he furiously bottomed out in her, over and over.

Granger's head was fully tilted back, Draco licked up her salty throat to her mouth. He speared her wanting mouth with his tongue.

"Let me hear you," she whispered against his lips and lifted her hips off the sofa, giving him deeper access.

He couldn't help himself, he let out a loud groan from her readjustment. Draco muttered a string of curse words under his breath as he finally looked into her eyes. They were hungry for his, he couldn't look away.

She'd managed to get her pyjama pants fully off her legs. She braced her now free legs on either side of his hips and pushed him sideways out of her and onto the floor.

Draco landed painfully on his back, he hissed as his head bounced off the hardwood floor. His anger was abruptly cut off when Granger sat on his hips and started to ride him backwards. He swore, he'd never seen a more perfect sight.

He grabbed her bouncing bum and slapped it hard. She cried out longingly and ground her hips back and forth to get friction on her throbbing clit.

"If you don't stop I'm going to finish," he ground out, watching himself disappear and reappear between her pink tinted cheeks.

"I'm close, I'm close," she whimpered as her grip on his thighs tightened to painful heights.

The last thing he saw was Granger's back spasming along with loud throaty moans before his eyes rolled into the back of his head during his own climax.

She lazily rolled off him and laid down next to him on the ground.

"Why'd you only call me when you were tossed?" He asked sleepily, with closed eyes.

He felt her shrug next to him, "It's just how I deal with people now."

Draco understood what she meant. He had his own way of dealing with the aftereffects of the war, he was in no place to judge hers. He rolled onto his side and draped an arm over her hips.

"I should've made you brush your teeth. Your mouth tasted like shit," he murmured.

She lightly chuckled, "Cunt."


End file.
